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Guest Infertility Blogger: Meet Jaclyn

Meet today’s guest blogger, Jaclyn!

Tell us a little bit about you and your infertility journey. My husband and I got married in July 2014. We started trying to have a baby the minute we returned from our honeymoon. When I got off birth control I got a withdrawal period but then never one again. We went to a fertility doctor that October and started a round of Clomid. But it didn’t work. I decided to go a more holistic approach to get my period back and also fix my thyroid that apparently was out of whack as well. I stopped drinking and eating from plastic, went gluten free, watched other things I ate, tried not to have every angry and sad thought control my mind every single second of the day, etc. That December, we went to Disney World and had a fun but the whole time I was sad because I kept looking at families. I wanted what these couples had, a family of my own. I thought, “Hey maybe I’ll get pregnant while in Disney since everyone told me when you go on vacation is happens.” But I knew in my heart it wasn’t going to. After waiting a few months, nothing was happening so we decided to go to a new fertility doctor in March. I was tired of crying every day. I felt like I was ruining my marriage because I was so depressed. I wanted to be a mother more than anything. I’ve always wanted to be a mom more than I even wanted to get married. There were even times I didn’t want to continue on with my life because I didn’t want a life without a child of my own. The new doctor promised me he would get me pregnant. Between genetic testing and waiting for insurance to approve us, it seemed like it took forever. Insurance wouldn’t let us do IVF until we tried artificial insemination (IUI). We did that in early June and two weeks later we found out it was negative. I was obviously upset, but I knew it wasn’t going to work. I knew that IVF was going to be the only way. We took the rest of the summer to enjoy ourselves while the doctor’s handled everything insurance wise and I started the medicine in August. In September, we finally did IVF and I found out right before my birthday that I was pregnant. There was a lot of crying here and there during my pregnancy due to the doctor’s finding issues with the baby’s heart. I gave birth on June 12, to a beautiful son who is my entire world. I had no time for meds, nothing. That unexpected natural birth experience allowed me to feel more like a woman again. Our son was in the NICU for the first week of his life due to his heart, but with time things had progressed and the cardiologist cleared him in January. We are hoping for another child to give our son a sibling. We have five frozen embryos and no matter how we have to have a second child, we are determined to have one more child. This was hard for me to write because I have only recently began sharing with others. I was embarrassed for a long time. But I have come to learn that there are so many people out there that are going through this. I want to be able to help them through their journey. I had no one to really talk to during my journey that went through this and that was hard for me. I became friendly with some other women going through IVF on Instagram but that was about it. If I can help other women and let them know everything will be ok, then I know that this was my purpose in life.

What things helped you cope with infertility? I realized there are a lot of couples dealing with this. That is wasn’t taboo anymore. I also turned to God to help me through this. I was angry at him for making me go through this. However, I think he knew how strong I am before I even realized it. I can handle a lot now.

How did you and your spouse encourage each other while on this journey? During the whole process, it’s pretty simple for the husband. They do not have to go put their body through all the medicine or procedures. My husband witnessed everything I had to go through. He was there helping me with the large needles I had to inject in my upper butt. He was there constantly telling me how strong I was and how we would have our baby. He saw the needles I had to inject in my stomach and how I did all of that on my own. He dealt with all my crying and my rollercoaster emotions due to my heartache and all the hormones I was on. He was my rock. Even when he became frustrated or sad, he held it together for me. I fell in love with him even more during all of this because he stayed by my side and helped me through it. He didn’t leave me when I told him too. I am so grateful for my husband.

Do you think your infertility journey is going to or has shaped the way you parent? I think it is shaping the way I am as a parent. I know what I had to go through to get my son, so I’m very protective of him. I would do anything for him.

What would you like couples or women who don’t struggle with infertility to know about infertility? It is hard. Emotionally, physically, and mentally hard. Infertility affects your heart, brain, body, wallet, and those around you. The couples or women that can become pregnant in the blink of an eye sometimes do not realize how lucky and blessed they are. It also hurts when those who are not struggling with infertility make jokes about becoming pregnant so easily. I would give anything to think maybe I was pregnant, pee on a stick, and be surprised with a positive test. No one truly understands what it is like to go through fertility treatments, until they experience it for themselves. Just please always remember to be sensitive to those who have to endure the heartache.

What is/was the hardest part of this journey for you? The hardest part was seeing couples announce that they were pregnant when you longed for a baby of your own. I couldn’t handle seeing all of the announcements. I always wondered, “Why? Why not me? When will it be my turn?” With social media, I saw the announcements all the time. I had to even give myself a break from it in order to avoid seeing the announcements. I am always happy for pregnant couples and wish them nothing but a healthy journey and baby. But it was still hard to see. I also had hard time learning about how some women didn’t even mean to get pregnant. Or how there are so many women out there that have baby after baby and the babies are taken away or they don’t want the baby. I just didn’t understand how God allowed those women to have children but the women who wanted children so badly and to become a mother more than anything else had to go through all this pain and heartache to hope to have a child.

What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers? No matter what, there is an end in sight. AND IT IS WORTH IT. The journey may seem like an eternity but it will happen when it is meant to happen. Do not give up. And try not to stress. That is honestly the worst advice anyone gave me “don’t stress”. Wake up every day telling yourself, “I got this. I will be a mother or a father.” Positive thinking can go a long way. You just have to have faith and believe. And do not be afraid to share your journey with others, you’ll be surprised to learn about what others go through. I kept a lot bottled up and it wasn’t smart. Talking about it helps. Even if the other person has no idea and just listens. Educate them. Allow them to see what you have to endure on a daily basis. It helps.

Want to contact Jaclyn? http://mommasaurus.com/ or email her at mommaf@mommasaurus.com.

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here. You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

One or Two Embryos

At least once a week I get a message or email asking why and how I decided to transfer 2 embryos. I love answering these questions and helping others going through infertility/IVF. I decided to share this information publically in the hopes that it helps someone trying to decide whether to transfer 1 or 2 embryos because it is a very hard and big decision!

Most doctors will recommend transferring one embryo if they are good quality because it is safer for the mom and baby(s). Most of the doctors that I visited only wanted to transfer one in me. I actually decided not to go with a doctor who refused to transfer two embryos. My husband and I are the minority who always dreamed about being twin parents (crazy how things work out, huh?). We prayed both embryos would stick!

Risks

There are a lot of risks with transferring two embryos. I’m not a doctor, so this is just what I’ve experienced, heard about, or seen happen to others.

Obviously, a high chance of multiples. Being a twin parent is hard work! So many people said to me before and during my pregnancy that twins aren’t only double the work, they are three times the work. I finally get what they mean! I was a baby sitter and a nanny for families for years with 3 or more kids and I have to say twins are so much harder than having 3+ kids at different ages. Twins are also double the cost, you really do need two of almost everything and the costs will hit you all at once instead of being spread out over a couple of years.

If you end up pregnant with twins there are additional risks you should know about. Thankfully I didn’t have most of these but my pregnancy was extremely hard even though I was a 28 year-old who couldn’t be healthier prior to pregnancy and my babies were healthy. Most doctors consider all twin-pregnancies high risk.

Preterm labor. Most twins come early, average is 34-35 weeks. However, I’ve seen many twin moms deliver a lot earlier than this and some delivered so early that their babies didn’t make it. 😔 Thankfully, I was able to carry my twins 3 days short of full term for twins (37 weeks) but I was miserable towards the end.
NICU- That being said about preterm labor, a high percentage of twins end up in the NICU. We told everyone but our parents to not plan to come visit us in the hospital immediately following birth because twins have such a high chance of being in the NICU and no one would be able to see them except for us and maybe our parents. Thankfully we got to avoid the NICU all together but that is rare!
High Blood Pressure- I had this in my third trimester and it was really scary, this is also very common. I guess one of the babies was blocking blood flow and my blood pressure was really high. I had to watch it really closely and due to this they induced me early and put me on Magnesium through Labor because they were worried I’d have a seizure.
Preeclampsia
Gestational Diabetes
Swelling in your legs and feet: I am lucky to be a very small person with skinny legs but during the end of pregnancy, I wasn’t getting good flow to my legs and they swelled so big I kept calling them tree trunks and they hurt! I had to go to Triage so many times to get ultrasounds on my legs to make sure I didn’t have a clot. I never did, it was just swelling or water retention. Luckily, a few days after post-partum, I woke up and my legs were back to being skinny. 🙂
Extreme morning sickness: Just go ahead and get a prescription for Diclegis, you’re most likely going to need it. This was rough for me!
Acid reflux: This is common in a lot of pregnancies but especially common in twin pregnancies. Mine was so bad that I had to sleep sitting up and I often puked on myself in the middle of the night (lovely, I know. Just trying to keep it real).
Diastasis Recti- This is something I wish I had been warned about. I had no idea this was even a thing until I was diagnosed. I blogged about this here. While thankfully, mine can be mostly controlled with exercise, I will forever have it unless I have cosmetic surgery (not something I will do).
C-section: As much as 80% of multiple pregnancies end in C-section. I know this isn’t too important to most people, most just want healthy babies delivered safely but some this might be a deal breaker. A C-section is a major surgery and recovery is often tough.
Something you should also be aware of is you will have 2-5x the amount of appointments that singleton pregnancies have. This is very time consuming but you do get a million ultrasounds which it’s always fun to see your babies. 🙂

Again, we decided to transfer two because we wanted twins! After everything we went through, transferring two embryos increased our chances of bringing home a baby by 10-20%. The idea of bringing home and possibly completing our family with one transfer sounded AMAZING! I obviously do not regret transferring two embryos because it gave me my two miracles!! That being said, I will never not share how hard my pregnancy was. I can’t even count how many times the doctors and nurses said to me, “You are only experiencing this because you’re carrying two babies, this rarely happens with a singleton pregnancy.” That being said, I was back to feeling myself and back to my normal weight within two weeks post-partum, the body does amazing things!

If you’re struggling with infertility, I’m sending lots of prayers and baby dust your way.

If you’re a twin mom, sending you the biggest hug! You’re a rockstar!

Guest Infertility Blogger: Meet Leanne

Meet our guest blogger for today, Leanne!

Tell us a little bit about you and your infertility journey: I am a 30 year old teacher, wife, and mom to two cute furpups. When I was seventeen, I was diagnosed with PCOS. At the time we didn’t know much about it, but what I did know is that I would have trouble conceiving a child. In 2012 told my husband while we were still dating that if we were to get married and think about children that we would have to go down the path of IVF or other fertility options. Fast forward a few years to 2015, we got married and were more than ready to conceive, but because of insurance we were forced to wait. Now three years after deciding to try, we just completed our second IVF cycle. We have already done two IUI cycles and are just beginning our first FET. I’d like to welcome people to my journey!

How did you and your spouse encourage each other while on this journey? Most people claim that they have the best husband, but I am pretty sure I do. I could not have done this journey without him. He is uplifting and is always able to find light in the darkest of situations. I get very anxious while waiting and not sure of what is going to happen next and he always finds a way to calm my nerves. He has been the best shoulder to cry on when we received a negative result. Knowing that no matter the outcome he is there helps through the hard times. He is also the best medication mixer there is!

Do you think your infertility journey is going to or has shaped the way you parent Absolutely. I have a great role model in my life (Shout out to Jackie!) She had some trouble conceiving. When she became pregnant she was THE HAPPIEST PERSON and is so grateful for her son. I am not saying that my other friends are not happy or grateful, but with her its different. You can tell that she has battled and won! I am hoping that since my journey has been very difficult that I do will have those same feelings. I will know that I accomplished something that I thought was not possible. I will be grateful for every moment because I went through so much to get there. I think it’s like, if you are handed something you will not be as grateful as though who had to climb a mountain to achieve it.

What would you like couples or women who don’t struggle with infertility to know about infertility? It is not the end of the world. It is difficult, but it is not the end. Just because I am going through all the injections and all the appointments doesn’t mean that I don’t want to hear about your children or your milestones. We both want the same thing, just my path is different. I am not defected and I am not disabled, I am just having a harder time.

What is/was the hardest part of this journey for you? People around me. At first I decided to keep my journey private. I didn’t want people to look at me like something was wrong with me. That changed because another close friend of mine was open with her journey. I decided to share and I felt better. I knew that communicating information out would hopefully help others. Since doing so, some of those closest to me have treated me as if I am not deserving of that. I don’t think they are doing it on purpose but they are. They hide the joys of their children, which is not what I want. Am I happy for them? YES. Am I sad for myself? YES. But I still want to be a part of their lives. I hope that with time they stop tiptoeing around me and treating me as if I am defective because I am not. I am one in eight.

In what ways has infertility changed you and affected your life? I have always been the type to put others before me and make sure they are happy even if I suffer. I guess that is what makes me a great teacher. Recently I have learned that all the stress I have put myself through isn’t worth it. I need to look out for me and my own. It has allowed me to say no to those that always ask of me. It has allowed me to be selfish which is something that I am not used to. This has also brought me so much closer to my husband. Our relationship is so strong and he has grown in all of this too. He wasn’t confident in his abilities to be a father, but fast forward three years later, he is ready.

What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers?Never give up! This is your journey, you do not have to be silent with it if you don’t want to. If you want to be silent that is okay too! Just never give up on your dream. Fight for what you want. And NEVER let anyone make you feel like you do not deserve this. Life is a precious miracle and if you want to create it then do so. In the end it will be worth it. We all just have to wait and see.

Want to contact Leanne? Instagram: journeyforalyoncub_ivf Blog: livelaughlyon.wordpress.com Email: Leannex25@gmail.com

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here. You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Top 10 Must Haves for Babies 3-6 Months

A few months ago, I posted My Top 10 Must Haves for Babies 0-3 . Today, I’m going to share my recommendations for 3-6 months. We still use most of the items from my last post but we started using a lot of new items too! I thought we had a lot of baby items laying all around our house but my gosh, I was in for a treat… my house that people often said looked like a “model home” now has baby items everywhere! During months 3-6, babies need a lot more entertainment and their ways of sleeping usually need to change.

Magic Sleepsuits– I was really worried when my kiddos started rolling because I knew it was time to transition from the swaddles (they slept so well in these). However, thanks to the Magic Sleepsuit, I had no reason to be worried! My kiddos slept better in these than the swaddles, we’re talking 12+ hours a night at 3 months! I swear by these sleepsuits!!
Bandana Bibs– My son started drooling like crazy (teething) at 3 months. He was going through about 10-12 bandanas daily and he still always felt “wet” on his neck and chest. Eventually, I found Kiddy Star bandanas and fell in love. They are organic and even if they are soaked on the outside, the layers keep him dry! I now use about 4-5 a day and they are a lifesaver! Best of all, my son’s neck and chest is NEVER wet.
Wubanubs– We love Wubabubs in our home! We have several of these in different places of our home because my kiddos are always wanting one! They are easy for babies to play with and put in their mouth. Not to mention, they are soothing for babies.
Play Rocker– We used this all the time, it kept my kids entertained and sometimes they even preferred to take a nap in it.
Zany Zoo– Talk about the best toy EVER! As soon as my kiddos could sit, they’d play with this toy for hours and then they would use it to help them stand. I see them using it for a long time!!
Twin Z Pillow– Perfect for tandem feeding or just holding your twins! The cover comes right off and you can throw it in the washer.
Twin Go Carrier– For twins this is the perfect carrier! It makes your life so much easier. You can use this to wear your babies tandem, one at a time, or you and your spouse can each wear a baby!
Mobiles– At this age, babies love looking up and watching things. We love this mobile because you can move it from the Rock N Play to the crib to the car seat very easily.
Play yard– The one we got is actually an entertainment center that can be adjusted depending on a child’s age/stage. At this stage we used the play mat and play yard that they can lay under.
Teething toys– My 6-12 month post is going to consist of a lot more toys but right now I highly recommend teething toys such as Sophie la Girafe, FanFan the Fawn, and Infantino Go GaGa Squeeze & Teethe Elephant.

Next month, watch out for my 6-12 month must haves!

Guest Infertility Blogger: Meet Alyssa

Meet today’s guest blogger, Alyssa from On Stims and Needles!

Tell us a little bit about you and your infertility journey: My husband and I began trying to get pregnant shortly after our wedding in October 2014. After a year of unsuccessful attempts we were referred to our local fertility clinic for further testing toward the end of 2015, where it was found that my husband had low sperm count. In normal procedure, the clinic also wanted to ensure I was healthy and free from any diagnosis that could affect fertility. I had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy completed in August ’16 due to my disclosure about my irregular periods (I also have PCOS) and painful cycles. It was determined after the surgery that alongside the PCOS I also had Stage IV Endometriosis and our RE at the time felt our best chance of success was through IVF. We completed our first round of IVF in November 2016, which resulted in poor embryo quality and ultimately a failed cycle. We transferred a morula (developmentally a “day 4” embryo) on Day 5 and had no other embryos make it to freeze. We ended up switching clinics and our new doctor started us on a new protocol for our June cycle. We had one embryo make it to freeze and decided against a fresh transfer due to having high progesterone levels. We completed back to back cycles and just finished our third egg retrieval in July. Our RE changed up our protocol again to address embryo quality and we were able to produce three beautiful embryos, who joined the one from the prior cycle in cryopreservation. We prepped for a FET and transferred two embryos in August, which resulted in another failed cycle. We scheduled a mock cycle in September and completed a receptivity analysis of my lining and another biopsy to check for the presence of the beta-3 integrin, which is a protein integrin needed to facilitate implantation. Little did we know, a lot of women with Endometriosis often lack this sticky molecule and I was one of them! After a quick round of antibiotics to treat Endometritis and adding Letrazole to address the absence of the beta-3 integrin, we transferred another embryo last week and are toughing it through the dreaded, two-week wait!

How did you and your spouse encourage each other while on this journey? My husband, Cory, has been my greatest support throughout this journey. He has always done a really good job maintaining the positivity and uplifting me when I am feeling down. He has taken on the role of nurse, caregiver, and often the therapist when I need to vent, cry, or talk things through. He was committed to giving me every injection, and this truly made this journey feel like “teamwork”.

Do you think your infertility journey is going to or has shaped the way you parent? Absolutely. I think those that battle infertility become parents before they even lay eyes on their children. We spend most of our cycles worrying; Worrying about follicle growth, egg retrieval, fertilization reports, embryo development, blastocyst stage, transfer, two week wait, beta test, ultrasound, delivery. The list goes on. The wait and worry never ends. Isn’t that what being a parent is all about? We are fighting so hard for a gift that others are given so freely. We spend days, weeks and months for another chance at having babies. We have learned to love children who’s hearts haven’t even begun to beat yet. I look at my husband and I already see him as a Daddy and I hope when we have screaming, wild kids running around, I always remember the feeling I had just waiting for those moments of pure insanity.

Some patients change doctors several times. Did you? What made you choose your doctor and or clinic? We chose to change doctors and clinics after our failed cycle last year. We had very little follow up after our first cycle and no changes to our medication protocol. Although I continued to practice patience, I also worked on my ability to trust my gut when it was telling me something. I was working on losing weight, creating healthier habits, and preparing for another future cycle. Something was telling me to get a second opinion. I didn’t believe we would receive contradicting information, I just wanted to solidify that our (then) RE was on the right page. I also desperately wanted more detailed answers about potential issues with our first cycle, since our RE at the time did not deliver as much detail as my obsessive self would have liked. I reached out to a friend, who is also an IVF nurse in the St. Louis area, and scheduled a consult with the doctor she works for at her clinic. The new RE was so attentive, warm and inviting. We instantly connected with her on a level we never felt with our prior RE. She reviewed our medical records in detail and disagreed with prior recommendations. She was educated and confident in her practice and in her explanation as to how she could provide the level of care that Cory and I craved.

What would you like couples or women who don’t struggle with infertility to know about infertility? Infertility is a disease. It doesn’t go away if you, “stop worrying about it” or “just adopt”. I truly believe people hope the best for Cory and I, however, those that struggle with infertility appreciate hugs and well wishes and not advice. Those with infertility also often put their own feelings aside because we feel guilty. This directly relates baby showers and pregnancy announcements. We are happy for those that are experiencing pregnancy, but we may have a difficult time expressing it. We also respond better to 1-on-1 announcements, especially if you have a close relationship with the mama to be. Simply put, I am happy for you, but sad for me. Being told in a group often brings glares to those struggling couples in worry of their reaction. We don’t want others to pity to us, and do still want the opportunity to be involved in things. Some days are better than others.

What is/was the hardest part of this journey for you? Although infertility is only a small part of your life, often it can feel like it consumes every second of your day. Waiting for test results, consults and cycle baseline appointments turns into wishing days, weeks and months away in hopes of nearing that start date sooner. I found myself wasting so many precious days with the ones I love waiting for the next fertility focused appointment. I didn’t plan fun outings, or even spend much time with friends. I isolated myself and planned for the next step. We have received much disappointment throughout our journey, much like all my TTC sisters have, so finding the strength within to congratulate those celebrating what we so deeply desire, took a lot of practice and sometimes, failure. It’s hard to dedicate so much of your physical and emotional being to the CHANCE of being a parent. Seeing those around you celebrating pregnancy and children has a sting that lingers, despite how much you love and support them.

What brings you hope during this journey? My husband and I have great faith in God’s timing. Throughout our journey we have we continued to focus on our marriage and we reinvested ourselves into Church. We walked into our first service angry with God. We haven’t missed a Sunday since. We know we will be parents one day, our babies are just taking a little extra time being handpicked from Heaven!

What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers? You need to remind yourself of this each and every day: You are not broken. You are not less-than. You are whole. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Be kind to yourself and love yourself. Know that you are enough and that you matter greatly. You are not alone.

Want to contact Alyssa? Alyssa.Neuhoff@gmail.com, a_neuhoff_ -INSTAGRAM Onstimsandneedles.wordpress.com -BLOG

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here. You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Guest Infertility Blogger: Nicole

Meet today’s guest blogger, Nicole!

Tell us a little bit about you and your infertility journey: After not getting pregnant my husband and I went to see a fertility doctor. We only were actively trying for a few months but something in my gut told me that something was off in my body. I’m glad I trusted my instincts, because it turned out that I have endometriosis and cysts on my ovaries. We jumped right into things and started with our first IUI. We tried 2 more months of IUI and then moved on to IVF. After a scary complication that landed me in the hospital after my egg retrieval(my abdomen filled with blood), we had our first pregnancy! While it did end in a miscarriage, we were hopeful because it meant that I could get pregnant. After miscarrying, we did a FET, this time transferring 2 embryos that both stuck. I couldn’t believe that I was having twins! Despite pregnancy not being very kind to me, I loved every minute of it. My bump, getting to feel my little ones growing and moving inside me and the excitement of being a “twin mom”! We had weekly ultrasounds from 20 weeks on because of a few things the doctors were monitoring with the babies. Nothing made me heart feel as full as seeing my little ones each week on the ultrasound screen. At 31 weeks pregnant, we went in for our weekly NST and ultrasound and our world changed forever. The doctor was unable to find Will’s heartbeat. Our sweet boy had passed away. About 3 weeks later, I delivered my babies, Asher and William, on April 5th, 2017. Asher William Collins, just turned 4 months old. Being a mother to Asher, and our angel, Will, has been both the most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

Who offered you support during this process that really stood out to you? What did they do? The TTC community online was a great source of support for me. While I did not openly share my journey online, mainly because my husband is a private person, I have followed so many of my fellow infertility warriors. I share your successes and your hardships, mainly because I have been there. It’s really incredible how I feel like I know so many of you that have been brave enough to share your journeys.

In addition to that, I have discovered many of the people in my life have gone through infertility. By being very transparent to my friends and family about our infertility, many people have come forward with their own struggles and journeys. Fertility for many people is something they are not open about—I think because of fear or shame. But the relationships that I have grown and strengthened through sharing this common thing have been invaluable throughout this journey. Being able to talk about it, especially with those that had already walked this path, has helped me a lot.

When I was 25 weeks pregnant, we took our babymoon. One of my friends was at the end of her 2ww after doing her first embryo transfer. After trying for well over a year to get pregnant, she POAS and had her first BFP. I was the first person she told, even before her husband. I cried when she told me! My husband asked me why I was crying and it really made me realize how emotional this experience is and how we are all truly bonded together for walking this path. Each of our journeys may be different, but no one quite understands what it’s like quite like the TTC community.

What would you like couples or women who don’t struggle with infertility to know about infertility? It is hard. We, or at least I, worry about every little thing. Even after having a positive pregnancy test, I still worried every day that I would miscarry. I worried about things like what my HCG levels would be and having to schedule my social life around giving PIO shots. I had to do a lot of things that you did not. Please do not take for granted the ease in which you become pregnant and stay pregnant.

What is/was the hardest part of this journey for you? The death of my son. There is not a day, hour, minute that goes by that my heart does not ache for him.

Prior to my little ones birth, seeing everyone around me getting pregnant and having children while I was trying. I’m am not proud to admit this but it’s the honest truth. It was very hard for me to not be jealous or envious of friends and people that were getting pregnant and having babies very easily. As much as I was so happy for my friends, I would be lying if I said there weren’t many people I had to unfollow on social media or put distance in between us for a time.

What brings you hope during this journey? My sons. They give me strength when I am weak.

In what ways has infertility changed you and affected your life? Throughout this journey, I have realized that there is very little we can control. I wouldn’t say that I am a very religious person, but infertility has brought me closer to God and ignited my faith in a higher power, whatever that may be. Going through infertility and the death of my son has made me realize that there is a plan for our lives. I truly believe that no matter how cruel or unfair life may seem, that God would not give us more than we can handle. Faith in something greater than us has brought me a lot of comfort when I feel hopeless.

What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers? Do not forget for one second how strong you are. This journey is tough, and can feel hopeless at times. Do not lose hope. Going through infertility will make you a better mother, whether it be to a baby, twins or an angel.

Want to contact Nicole? Instagram: Nicolemcollins or email Nicolembriand@gmail.com

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here. You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom.com or on Instagram.

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