When we first started to try, I figured we’d fall pregnant in the obvious way just like everyone else did – we’d have sex at the right time and BAM, a baby! Easy, right?! Who imagines that something that seems so natural, so ‘normal’ might not happen? Unless you’ve been close to someone experiencing infertility I don’t think you give it a second thought; after all, no-one seems to talk about it even if they are having problems. I never expected 5 years on to be sat writing a blog about failing miserably in making that baby!

Something started to niggle away at me, something just wasn’t quite right. My periods were irregular whilst at the same time greeting me all too often every 12-20 days. Every time I was thinking I had just ovulated I would then experience some suspicious spotting. Always the optimist, I would think, ‘maybe it’s early implantation bleeding?’ but every single time I would be proved wrong.

I decided to get help. My first consultation with a female GP resulted in my leaving in tears as she patronisingly told me that I was only 27 and to ‘stop being silly’. I persevered and a few months later got a second opinion. My day 3 FSH hormone results came back as normal. Phew, I was fine. However, with being the curious person that I am, I was interested in understanding exactly how fine I was. I asked for my results and was devastated to discover that the GP had actually got it wrong. With an FSH of 17.9 I enlisted the help of a private consultant and Premature Ovarian Failure was diagnosed. My AMH was just 0.74, indicating with much more certainty a low ovarian reserve and little chance of conceiving. I was devasted to be told I was experiencing Early Menopause at the age of 27.

I always coped better when I was doing something productive, and so I was excited went we were told to start an IVF cycle straight away. I was placed on a high dose stimulated cycle and was delighted to exceed all expectations – they retrieved FIVE eggs! My hopes dwindled however as, of those five eggs, only one made it to day three transfer. It only takes one, Matt reminded me, as I convinced myself it was over.

After a nervous wait I was delighted and astonished to see a positive pregnancy result. After so many negatives I just couldn’t believe it.

A few weeks into the pregnancy I had another niggle. Maybe I have a sixth sense for these things but something didn’t feel quite right. At just under seven weeks I was scanned to find that our embryo wasn’t developing the way it should be. I had to return the following week to be told that I had a ‘blighted ovum’– such an apt description for what this pregnancy had become, for what I had become. Devastated, I then had to endure a miscarriage which took three long, painful weeks. I tried the natural way, then the medically managed way, finally ending up with surgery. After naively thinking that the hard part was over, this knocked me off my feet.

Christmas came and went and we were ready to try again. I was thrown into a number of back to back cycles, with my consultant not wanting to waste time. My FSH was monitored on day three of each period which for me was as often as every 14-20 days. Over the course of six months we tried four more cycles. Three natural IVF cycles, where we let my body do the work to produce an egg. One was cancelled prior to egg collection, one was cancelled as our embryo didn’t develop and the other I had a negative pregnancy test. One more stimulated cycle also resulted in a negative.

Mid-way through this madness we got married, some would say I was crazy to take so much on at once but I had to have something positive to focus on. The one positive we had taken from the IVF journey was that it had made us stronger as a couple. Matt balanced my over emotional reactions to things with his positive, matter of fact nature, he kept me going throughout the whole thing.

After five all-consuming IVF cycles I was feeling emotionally drained and was losing faith in my own body. We’d always known that donor eggs would give us a better chance, but we needed to know that we had given my eggs every chance. On honeymoon I started to look at donor eggs in a different light. What was it that I truly wanted? Simply, to be a Mum.

I built a spreadsheet to compare our different options and after a number of Skype interviews we decided on a small clinic in Prague. It was the turning point for us. Finally, the pressure wasn’t on my body anymore. I relaxed more than I ever had and we enjoyed a magical break in Prague, now a very special place for us.

Thanks to our donor, we were lucky enough to have five excellent quality embryos. One was transferred and four frozen. I fell in love with our embryo as soon as I saw it on the screen. Now, here she is – our gorgeous, loving, hilarious girl, Mila.

A year later we returned to try for a sibling, two embryos were transferred and in the blink of an eye our equally gorgeous twin girls arrived – Eska and Lena.

And now here I am, a Mum to 3 girls under the age of 3! Any doubts I’d had evaporated instantly when I held them in my arms, I wouldn’t change them or my journey for the world. I definitely have a new-found perspective on life having been through what we have – it redefined me as a person and as the Mum I am today, hence the name of my blog and Instagram account. Someone once said to me, ‘when you’ve been through this – you parent with every inch of your soul’, and it’s true, I believe I’m a more grateful Mum because of it.

I am now taking a break from my career in HR to try to help raise awareness of infertility and donor conception, whilst being a SAHM to my long fought for family. I’m passionate about supporting others in the same difficult position that I once was and offer support through the blog and my Instagram account. I am also volunteering for Fertility Network UK and will be setting up a local support group in the near future!

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Meet today’s guest blogger, Stacy! 

My story begins with… I always knew I wanted children and a family.  However, given the culture we live in, I was encouraged to take birth control by my GYN in my early 20’s.  (Please know- my GYN is FABULOUS!) So, I did what most do and took the tiny little pill every morning after brushing my teeth.  Every day for 10 years!

At age 22, I met my husband at a bar.  Yes, a bar.  We dated for about 2-2.5 years and I married him at age 24, two months shy of 25.  We were living away from home in Murrells Inlet, South Carolina the first year of our marriage.  At the end of that year, we returned home to Maryland to be closer to family.  During that time, I talked about “when we have children.”  A lot of our decision-making included “when we have children.”  We bought a big home, in a nice neighborhood, with good schools, with nice size extra bedrooms, room to play, a yard to play in, etc.  We were trying to settle into our new house, make a home with our two dogs, and begin our careers.  We were paying off debt and unconsciously preparing for the “right time to have kids.”  I remember telling my GYN we just weren’t ready yet.  He said we’d never BE ready and always asked when we would start trying.  So, as time passed by and those around me started having babies, I thought we better get started before too long.  I was approaching 30 and didn’t want to wait any longer.  I stopped taking the pill and we began trying to conceive.  Little did I know… we were in for a long journey.

Once I was off birth control, I was not stressing the immediacy to have children.  I knew the Lord would give us children in his timing.  But, as annual GYN appointments came and went and still no pregnancy my GYN said we better start narrowing down why.  He started with a referral to Shady Grove Fertility in the Baltimore area for my husband to get a sperm count.  No man is excited when you come home with a brown lunch bag with a sterile cup inside and tell him your GYN says you need to make a deposit for this test! Hahaha!  But, he did and every thing came back wonderful.  Good news.  But still, no pregnancy.

Since the seed had been planted (hahaha no puns intended) at Shady Grove Fertility, I began looking at their website and what they could offer us.  I made the initial appointment online and within a few days, was in the office talking about things I never knew I’d be talking about.  We jumped right in to our 1st IUI which failed.  We immediately went into IUI #2.  To our great joy- I was pregnant!  I had made it through all those early morning appointments, blood draws, my first self-administered shot, and lots of feet-in-stirrups appointments.  I went to my last appointment before graduating from Shady Grove to my regular OB/ GYN and expected to see a heartbeat and proper growth.  Instead, I immediately saw my worst nightmare.  Nothing had changed.  I was looking at the screen and instinctively knew what I saw was not right.  The doctor checked several times and said he was sorry.  I knew.  I had to make that phone call to my husband to tell him.  I was encouraged to have a D&C, which I did.  After surgery, I woke up and a tear rolled down my face.  My nurse and medical staff were so kind.  We had testing done and found out we had had a boy and he was diagnosed with Trisomy 13.

After healing it was right on to the next cycle.  I had a meeting with my doctor to see where we were in our plans and he patted his heart and said, “How are you in here?”  Whew.  That was hard.  But, I knew we must move forward.  One more IUI, making it #3.  No luck.  Insurance protocol was to move on to IVF.  I always said I’d never go on to IVF, but when faced with that fact, I made that hard decision.

IVF Round #1- No luck

More early morning appointments, more blood draws, more at-home shots… it was a vicious cycle.  Baby-making is supposed to be FUN, right?!?

IFV Round #2- PREGNANT!!!

We again, made it through all the appointments, heard a heartbeat, and saw it on the screen.  But, over the next few appointments, I began bleeding and knew it wasn’t healthy implantation bleeding.  We had already told my family we were pregnant because… my sister was two weeks behind me in pregnancy and was already showing.  She had announced her early pregnancy to our family.  So, seconds announced to everyone that she was the only one pregnant.  We were all so excited to be pregnant together and cousins on the way!  But, the Lord had other plans for us.  We made it to another appointment and the heart beat was gone.  Before the monitor probe was even back in its spot on the cart, my doctor said, “How do you want to take care of this?”  Ummm, hello, you just told me there is no heartbeat.  There were tears, lots, and lots of tears.  I was encouraged to have another D&C, more tears, and an email that said a healthy baby girl.  No further problems.

There was some time between this cycle and the next, but we moved forward when I was cleared by my doctors.  So…

IVF Round #3- My body stopped responding positively to the medication (four self-administered shots every day for 14+ days) and ultimately only had three possible eggs for retrieval.  Since the number was not conducive to a successful egg retrieval, my doctor submitted a form to the insurance company to change the cycle from IVF to IUI for medical reasons.  The insurance accepted his submission and the insurance company allowed the cycle to be considered a IUI for medical purposes, leaving me with the last IVF.  #3.  Still an open option.

(Side Note: Insurance would only cover 3- IUI’s before they would no longer pay the coverage.  From there, if there was no viable baby, they would only cover payment for up to 3 cycles of IVF.  After that, the insurance company would be done and out of the pictures.  From there we would have to pay 100% out of pocket.)

I leaned heavily on my husband, my faith, my family, and the Instagram family of sisters facing the same journey.  I stumbled upon a recommended book, Unsung Lullabies- Understanding and Coping with Infertility by Dr. Janet Jaffe, Dr. Martha Diamond, and Dr. David Diamond.  It was the first time I gave myself permission to not be okay.  It was the first time I gave my self permission to consider stopping treatments.  The first time I gave myself permission to stop being a patient.  I wanted my body back.  I wanted my privacy and intimacy back.  And a weight was lifted from me.  My husband has supported all of my decisions (aka OUR decisions) from Day 1.  He always stated he was okay with or without children.  We had been on the roller coaster of emotions, feelings, and heartbreak.  We allowed ourselves to enjoy our quiet time, our interests, travel, and the normal routine of life again.

We discussed egg donor, surrogacy, more out-of-pocket IUI’s & IVF’s.  We moved on to discussions of adoption.  However, our hearts were lead to ending our journey.  There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about having children in our future.  We have left our hearts open to the Lord’s plans.  We are birth control- free, so it could happen.  People wish and pray that we do have children.  I get asked all the time if I have children, or when will we have children, or why don’t we have children.  I have no rehearsed answers.  It’s still take one day at a time and it’s been 4 years since we lost our last baby.  I still have the email from my doctor stating- “Normal female- maternal cell contamination has been ruled out.”  I don’t delete it, because it is a reminder that we did have children, if only for a little while.

In the end, I have what I need.  I have a family we created.  It just looks different than the one I imaged.  But doesn’t life always look different than we imagined?

Life is mysterious.  Life is a miracle.  Life is a blessing.  And I don’t cry because it’s over.  I cry because it happened.  Love and strength to you all.  May God’s journey touch your heart and make you the person you are supposed to become.

Want to contact Stacy? stacy.moore1013@gmail.com

Update: Stacy is pregnant with her surprise miracle baby!!

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Once a month, I host a Guest Blogger who shares about their infertility journey!  Meet today’s Guest Blogger, Mandee!

My husband and I were married in May of 2013 and had just finished building our home. We didn’t want to have kids immediately after being married. At the time my husband was away from home a lot for work so the timing just was not right. Due to his work I started running to keep me busy and occupied. When we started thinking more about starting a family I wanted to make sure I was in shape for a pregnancy and decided that I would enter into a half marathon and then once that was complete we would actively try to get pregnant as I had not been on birth control since before we had gotten married. I completed the Nike Women’s Half Marathon in October of 2015 and shortly after that is when my problems started.

My husband had Appendicitis in January of 2016, and I had been sleeping in a chair at the hospital for 4 days when my hip started to hurt. I had attributed this to not sleeping in a normal bed. But as the months progressed the pain got worse, to the point that I could no longer run. I would have to come home from work because I couldn’t sit or stand or walk. I thought I had destroyed my hip from running. I started to routinely see a chiropractor and massage therapist trying to make the pain go away. We even went to the extent of buying a new bed. After a few months I started to connect the dots that anytime I ovulated or would get my period my hip would hurt. Throughout this time of my hip hurting we were still trying to get pregnant.  I went to my OB in June and explained the excruciating amount of pain I was in. She ordered an ultrasound, it came back showing that I had left ovarian torsion but she reassured me that I was fine and that getting pregnant would take time, that my pain was nothing and if I wasn’t pregnant in 6 months to come back and they would start looking at other things that could be causing an issue. At this point I didn’t want to be pregnant I just wanted my hip to stop hurting.

A few months after my visit with her I made an appointment for my primary care something in my gut just kept telling me something was wrong and the pain wasn’t normal. I had normal, regular, light periods and just this random phantom pain that I could not shake. My primary care provider had told me that there was a chance I had Endometriosis. But she could not diagnosis me with it, she told me to go get a second opinion from another OB and referred me to someone else in town that she helped teach in the OR as a resident. I made an appointment with this new OB and brought him all my records and imaging that led up to this point in his office. He sat down in the exam room and said I have looked at your records but I want to hear what is going on from your point of view. I explained the last 10 months to him and he said there was a good chance that I do have Endometriosis he laid all my options out for me. He knew that we were trying to get pregnant so he offered me different courses of treatment but they would prevent me from getting pregnant. He also offered me surgery and said this was the best route as he would be able to get in and diagnosis what was going on. I opted to have surgery and in less than 3 weeks he had me in the OR. I found out that my right tube is 100% blocked, I did definitely have Endometriosis and that’s what was causing my pain. The two week wait for my follow up appointment was hard. I have a Bachelors in Public Health and knew enough to know that this path we were going to be headed down to have kids was going to be hard. When I went to my two week follow up I asked my doctor what this meant for having kids and he told me that he was going to immediately refer us to the fertility clinic in town and that we cannot wait. We also found out at this time that the sperm analysis that my first OB had ordered for my husband was abnormal when she had advised it was normal.

By December I had begun my first IUI, they put me on the maximum dose of Femora and I did IUI’s from December to July, two of my IUI’s were canceled and none resulted in a pregnancy. During those 7 months of fertility treatments I had this overwhelming urge to fight to keep pushing and to make it through each treatment because I knew at some point it would have to work. We decided in June to refinance our house and use the money to pay for IVF but that we wanted to take a small break before we did that. In November of 2017, we started our first cycle of IVF. We were able to get 13 eggs, 11 of them were mature, 7 fertilized and 2 made it to embryo’s. We did Preimplantation Genetic Testing on the two embryos and found out that one was genetically normal and one was not. For our one embryo we did a mock transfer to make sure the transfer was going to be the most successful and completed a Frozen Embryo Transfer in March, unfortunately it did not take.

Throughout this entire experience I have had this burning desire to fight this to push through it and get what we want and deserve. But after our failed IVF cycle I was defeated, completely. Over the last few months the things that have helped me most have been running, talking to my husband and seeking out help through a therapist. As we start to approach what would have been my due date feelings intense feelings of desperation and longing are bubbling up. I am trying to focus on healing my heart and getting mentally prepared to do another IVF cycle in the near future.

I think the biggest piece of advice I could give someone is that this journey is not easy, it is painful and it is a pain that you never would wish on your worst enemy but I know in my heart when we are blessed with a child that all of this will be worth it. At first and still to this day I don’t typically like being very open about our fertility struggle but I have found a lot of comfort in finding others who have had a similar struggle with getting pregnant and hearing that what I am feeling is normal. So I am trying to be more open about it and talk to anyone who has questions or wants to know how we are doing. I would also tell someone to fight, working in the healthcare industry you are your own advocate for the treatment you want and deserve.

Want to contact Mandee? Instagram @mandeebustamante

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Once a month, I host a Guest Blogger who shares about their infertility journey!  Meet today’s Guest Blogger, Katie!

Hi! I’m Katie! Also featured in the photo is my husband Pete and 2 year old son Benjamin. Pete and I met in high school and have known each other for about 15 years. We live in a suburb outside of Boston and currently we’re on a ferry to Nantucket for the weekend! We’ve been married for 5 years and after marriage immediately started trying to build up our family.

Our fertility journey is a little different than most. A year had passed of trying and we sought help. We were met with sarcasm and a poor attitude from my then-OBGYN. I pushed to see a reproductive endocrinologist and with an eye roll, got the referral. We went through all the testing and declared as “unexplained”. We felt since they couldn’t find anything wrong, we should keep trying on our own. Another year had passed and we were getting discouraged. We decided to go back to see the RE and because so much time had passed, had to redo all the testing. Still, nothing pointed out any problem. Months later, I got my BFP on the DAY we had an appointment to sign consents for IUI. Our little miracle baby! Our RE was kind enough to follow my betas and do an early ultrasound. I’ll never forget the moments of seeing his heart flicker for the first time.

5 months after I had my son I had chemical pregnancy. 7 months post partum I miscarried at 7.5 weeks and had a really hard time coping. It was one of the worst times of my life…followed by a year of great struggle. With my pushing, the OB followed up on my lab work and noticed my thyroid levels were wonky. I was ultimately diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I had a total thyroidectomy but my follow up lab values indicated I still had growing numbers of thyroid cancer cells in my body so I need further treatment. Post op pathology indicated I had probably been growing that cancer for over a decade. I truly believe this may have been our original source of difficulty those first years of trying.

Given my history, my RE suggested I do a retrieval and cryopreserve embryos before the radioactive iodine treatment because there was a chance it could harm my healthy eggs. So we did just that. We got 19 eggs and 10 fertilized. We opted not to do PGS at the time for personal and financial reasons. We had medical bills up to the earlobes that year. I worked as much overtime as a nurse as I could but I was so tired during recovery. My husband worked two jobs. Our family pitched in with childcare. It was a team effort!

A big thing for me on this journey has been the shocking revelation of how involved it is, meaning mental, physical, emotional…it’s all encompassing. People don’t talk about infertility and we should. We had a family board on the nursing unit I worked on at the time. People put up photos of their families and if there were any expecting babies, a small balloon with their name or something similar was put up. Another nurse, whom I shared my journey with, put my little frozen embryos up in the family board in the form of bottles in a cooler. This little gesture served as a conversation opener to educate others about infertility and it was so special to me for my frozen babies to be considered up on that family board.

I did the RAI treatment for my thyroid cancer last August. We had to flip from actively trying for so many years, to actively preventing. If I got pregnant with radiation in my system, my chances of miscarriage or birth defect were significant. I just got the 1 year all-okay that I remain cancer free and now have the RAI out of my body, giving us the clear to go forward with IVF safely. Yay!

We did all the testing again during the summer. My husband switched jobs, one with a much lower deductible and ridiculously good fertility coverage. We had to wait until October 1st to send for preauthorization with the new insurance company. There is so much hurry up and wait involved in this game…incredibly frustrating. We got word we were authorized to move forward just a few days ago. Now we’re waiting for meds to be delivered and have everything crossed to start FET cycle this upcoming week.

One of the most valuable pieces of advice I can offer is to stick with the mantra, NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP.  I have this saying stuck everywhere in my life: car, work, bathroom closet door, nightstand. There are so many days of tears, of being bent over a little stick on the bathroom floor searching for the right angle to see any glimpse of a second line, of feeling “why me?” and begging God for a sign of hope. Keep your eye on the end goal. Change the plan if you have to, but never change the goal. Also, be vocal. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Share your story with friends and family and those who care, will uplift you on your worst days. It takes a village. This isn’t easy.

As part of my village, I was introduced to AGC Scholarship Foundation (check them out on FB) an incredible nonprofit geared towards helping those affected by infertility, and in particular providing scholarships to people experiencing financial barriers. They are the most amazing group of women I know. I was happy to run 7.3 miles in the Falmouth Road Race this summer, on my 1 year cancer free anniversary for the AGC team. Our small team raised close to $70,000. It was an incredible experience. If you are struggling, look into this Foundation. They have a support group that has been my saving grace. Google search others that may be more local for you. They’re out there. It’s impossible to do this alone. Find support, whether it’s instagram, local support groups, a therapist…find someone to talk to.

It’s been a pleasure sharing the Flaherty Family Journey! I’d love to connect with others as we prepare for our first transfer and help others through their journey! Reach out to me on Instagram: kbflaherty or email:kbmatthews2@gmail.com

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

I’m really excited about today’s post, I have 2 guest bloggers!  Chelsea is a good friend of mine, we met through Instagram and realized we lived pretty close to one another.  We text weekly (if not daily) and have met up several times! Kristen has also been a friend on Instagram for years!  Why do I have them both guest blogging today?  Chelsea had frozen embryos remaining after the birth of her daughter and donated them to Kristen!  I asked them both if they would share their stories because you don’t hear about this type of situation very often… thankfully, they both agreed!  I am honored to have them both sharing their story today! 🙂

Meet Chelsea

Kristen and I were partnered up in a TTC Easter/Spring gift exchange I believe. I think this was 2015? Kevan and I were still saving up to afford IVF. After the gift exchange, we just sort of clicked! Kristen doesn’t update her Insta as much as I do, so we’d DM a lot and then eventually started texting. I believe we both ended up doing IVF cycles around the same time. She did way more than I had to – and I think they were at a turning point with having to decide if they’d want to do donor embryos when we did our egg retrieval in June 2016. I think that is the first time a little light went off in my head. Kevan and I both had already discussed (as probably most people do for legal reasons before starting IVF) that we wanted to donate any leftover embryos when we were done building our family. We ended up getting so lucky and only having to do 1 retrieval and 1 transfer with 1 embryo to get our beautiful daughter. That left us with 6 embryos. (They were our lucky “7 Dwarves”). We decided while I was still pregnant that we were not going to do IVF again, and I told Kevan I had a couple in mind for our embabies. Kristen and Sean had gone through soooooo much. Multiple cycles with only a few embryos to show for it. A few losses. And in my gut I just knew this is who should have our remaining embabies.

Fast forward to 3 months post-partum.. we had our first date night since Maizie was born and decided we would ask Kristen and Sean if they’d be interested in adopting our embryos. I screenshot that text conversation and still have it. I think Kristen was in shock!! The whole legal side of it was fairly easy on our end. Our clinic had an attorney they suggested using – and she helped work up a contract. The legal expenses were covered by Kristen and Sean, but I think that – and the transportation costs to get the embryos to their lab were the only costs involved in the whole thing. Kevan and I were unsure how much we would want to know about how things went after the donation was complete – but it (to me) hasn’t been weird AT ALL. Kristen sends me ultrasound pictures, and updates and honestly it just makes me incredibly happy. This is by far the coolest thing I’ve ever done (minus giving birth to my daughter). I really hope this blog post inspires others to consider embryo donation – anonymously or not. It literally is the BIGGEST gift you can give someone.

What was the hardest part of your fertility journey for you?  The waiting FOR SURE. I am not the most patient person; but infertility is 90% waiting around and hoping for the best.

What would you like couples or women who don’t struggle with infertility to know about infertility?  That they are lucky to not deal with it! I don’t think you can truly understand how big of a blessing fertility is unless you have to deal with infertility.

What made you decide to donate embryos?  I wanted those embabies to have a chance at life! And to give very deserving people the gift of getting to experience pregnancy and parenthood!!

How did you pick Kristen to offer embryos to?  We just knew that they would make AMAZING parents. They deserve this so much.

At one point, you thought you might not want to know what happened to the embryos you donated. What changed your mind?  Honestly, I’m not sure! I guess I thought I would be more emotional or sad about those embryos not being “ours” anymore. Once the donation was complete and she became pregnant I never once felt sad or jealous. Just so excited and so happy for them. Kristen has always been respectful and asked if I wanted updates before just sharing, and I do the same for my husband. So far everyone still wants all the info!!

What type of relationship do you hope to keep with Kristen and her family?  I hope to be a source of advice. I have no clue if these kids will be similar at all – but I hope she can come to me with questions, if needed. Our plan for the future is to raise Maizie knowing that she has this sibling, and when they are old enough to decide they’d like to meet, we will plan a trip!

If you could tell Kristin’s future child or children one thing, what would it be?  That Kevan and I (and Maizie) love you SO much. I told Kristen that was 1 of 2 stipulations for this donation – this/these kid/s have to know that we didn’t ‘give them up’ because we didn’t want them. It’s the complete opposite. We wanted them to have amazing lives. This baby is SO incredibly loved. They’ve got a whole community that loves them up in Ohio plus all of their new family in Texas. (Stipulation 2 was to be a real stickler with seatbelt safety – haha!)

What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers?

That these relationships on Insta are so valuable. This community really is lifechanging. And please consider embryo donation!

Meet Kristen

I learned in October of 2015 (after trying for 4 years) that IVF was our next step. We had already done 7 rounds of clomid, HSG’s, SA’s, had one chemical and one ectopic pregnancy. So, the first thing I did was get online to find out everything I could about IVF! Once I found the IVF Instagram community I immediately started an IVF only Instagram, not knowing at the time that it would lead me to Chelsea and this baby I’m carrying. Chelsea and I were randomly matched when doing an IVF (Easter?) gift exchange in 2016 and just immediately hit it off. I believe at that point we were both still in the saving part of our IVF journeys but we DM’d a lot in the beginning and then moved to texting. Her friendship even before the donation offer has helped keep me sane so many times throughout this journey. Our first IVF cycle didn’t go as planned at all, I ended up doing the max amount of medications for nearly 3 weeks and only got 2 viable eggs that were fertilized and frozen on day one. My second cycle linked up pretty close to Chelsea’s first cycle. My second cycle started with a changed protocol but ended with the same results, 2 eggs that were fertilized and frozen on day 1. Disappointment after that cycle is an understatement. When I went to my follow up appointment with my RE he told me that the quality of the 4 eggs we received weren’t terrible but definitely weren’t great and he didn’t recommend that we do another stimulation cycle. Instead he wanted us to start considering using an egg donor. I remember asking him at the time “What if we used a donor embryo, is that even possible?” he smiled at me and said “Yeah of course it’s possible but donor embryos are extremely hard to come by and can be very expensive.” He didn’t really think we had a shot of getting donor embryos. Around this time Chelsea found out she was pregnant with her sweet baby girl! So, while we were digesting the news about donor eggs/embryos and looking into it, I went ahead and did a FET with two of our frozen embryos that resulted in a 1% chance ectopic and emergency surgery.  I remember that while Chelsea was still pregnant she told me that she and Kevan had talked about donating their 6 remaining embryos but it would probably be a year after their little girl was born before they were sure (which was totally understandable, of course). She asked if we still had not found any donor embryos when they got ready if we may be interested! Of course we were, but we kept our search up just in case they changed their mind. Much to our surprise just a few months later I get a text from Chelsea (which I have saved and plan on printing for my baby bookJ) telling me that they were ready to donate, and wanted to donate to us! Que the tears and allllll the feelings! From there it all happened really fast. We paid attorney fees and shipping and within a few weeks we had 6 more frozen embabies in our RE’s office along with our 2 biological ones.

This time last year we transferred our last remaining biological embryo (the 4^thone didn’t survive the thaw) and 1 of our adopted embabies at the same time! Unfortunately, that transfer ended in a chemical pregnancy which led to us doing an ERA cycle to see if we could determine whether my uterus was receptive at the time of transfer. Turns out it wasn’t receptive and I actually needed to be on PIO for an extra day! March 22^ndwe transferred 2 embabies and I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant with the most amazing gift we have ever been given!

What was the hardest part of this journey for you?  I would say the hardest part of my infertility journey is definitely the roller coaster of unknowns. I’m a planner by nature so I was great at being organized and planning out every appointment, shot, pill or patch I ever needed but very rarely did anything in my journey go according to plan.

What did you think when Chelsea offered to donate embryos to you?  My initial reaction was definitely shock and tons of tears. It took me forever to tell my husband why I just randomly started sobbing and even longer for me to stop crying long enough to text Chelsea back, haha. Of course, along with shock came immense gratitude at what they were offering. Here you have this couple who we’ve never met in person but are so amazing that they are willing to give us this incredible gift after working so hard for it themselves!

What would you like couples or women who don’t struggle with infertility to know about infertility?  There is so much I would want them to know but I think the main things would be that this journey is so hard and it’s a journey that lasts forever. I may be 35 weeks pregnant with this miracle baby but that doesn’t erase the journey we went through to get here.

What type of relationship do you hope to keep with Chelsea and her family?  I hope Chelsea and our families keep a close relationship! We have been so blessed by not only the gift that Chelsea and Kevan have given us but by the fact that our friendship has never changed. Originally Chelsea told me that she may need to take a step back from our friendship which I totally understood. Turns out she didn’t, which I am so grateful for because I still leaned on Chelsea throughout my FET’s after we adopted the embryos just like I did before. We will raise this baby with it knowing that Chelsea and Kevan didn’t “give it away” but loved it SO much that they wanted it to have a chance to live. This baby will also always know that it has a sibling and a whole lot of love in Ohio.

If you could tell someone who is considering adopting embryos one thing, what would it be?  There are so many emotions through the process of adopting embryos, from finding out that it’s one of your options to searching for donors, all the way to meeting your sweet baby and it is okay to feel ALL of those emotions. Also, don’t be discouraged in the search. Our story of randomly being matched on Instagram and it leading to this is definitely not the norm (my RE was amazed that we found donor embryos via Instagram) and trust me I am aware of how lucky we are. However, there are a lot of people with giving hearts like Chelsea and Kevan who love their babies so much that they want them to live. Hold on to that as you go through the emotions and journey of finding a donor.

What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers?  This journey can be ALL consuming, it’s okay to take a step back sometimes and breathe. Find those that you can lean on, whether it’s someone you know personally or someone you connect with online, and hold on to them. And obviously, the connections you make through the Infertility Instagram world can change your whole life. 🙂

What to contact Chelsea and Kristen? @making_baby_phares or chelseadougherty1@gmail.com, klynch0116@aol.com or @IVFinTexas

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.