Meet today’s guest blogger, Elizabeth!
My husband and I were married in 2013. I wanted children right away, however we knew we needed to get settled first. We moved, he started a new job, and I decided to start a new career and went back to school to become a nurse. I always had this nagging feeling that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. I could not explain it, and I am pretty sure people thought I was crazy. However, I could not shake this feeling deep within my gut that something would be wrong with my eggs. After some convincing by me I went off birth control in 2014. At first we did the whole not trying and not preventing. Soon I was tracking days, peeing on ovulation sticks, and writing down every symptom I felt that could be pregnancy.
A year went by, and nothing…. Each month felt like a shot in the stomach as I felt that my deep down feeling all these years was actually coming true. So we made an appointment with a new OB/GYN to see what was up. He ran some initial tests and found I did not ovulate that month. So on the Femara train I went. Now so hopeful that yes, this is the answer. I don’t always ovulate.. I will take the medication and BAM! It will happen. After three months on the medication I only successfully ovulated once. Back to square one….
After the failed Femara months I was sent to an RE. Right away he said PCOS, but wanted to run a whole gamete of tests. That is when I was hit with a huge shocker… my AMH came back at 0.19. 0.19!!!! That is a number that is seen in a woman in her 50’s. After some quick googling I realized I was probably suffering from Diminished Ovarian Reserve and that essentially I did not have as many eggs as I should for my age. It is important to point out at this time I was in my final practicum for nursing school… on a labor and delivery floor. The day I received those tests result I had to put on my big girl panties and work a 12-hour shift helping deliver babies. Oh the irony. So we quickly made an appointment with our RE, who is amazing by the way. He said he would not give up on us and was willing to prove the test results wrong. So onto IUI we went. Three IUI’s with injections, follicles each time, no pregnancy.
The summer of 2016 we began IVF. We were so hopeful. Each time we moved to a new treatment our thought was, “this is it. This treatment will work.” I felt so happy to be able to even do IVF given my low AMH. Injections, appointments, ultrasounds, and blood draws followed and we made it to our first retrieval. 5 eggs were retrieved with 3 being fertilized. I had a 3-day fresh transfer of 2 embryos and the third did not make it. The whole two weeks I just couldn’t believe that I was carrying two embryos inside of me. This was the closest I had come to pregnancy. Soon those little embryos gave me my first and only ever two pink lines. I couldn’t believe it. Me, pregnant! However, sadly it resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I could probably write an entire post on that first round. Another round followed, another 3 day transfer, negative Beta, laparoscopy that found mild endometriosis, and a frozen transfer that failed 6 days before my 30th birthday. Needless to say at that point I was done. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally spent.
We made the decision to stop treatments and pursue adoption. Throughout our journey adoption was always mentioned. I knew deep in my heart it was something I wanted to do even if we had biological children. However, I knew first I needed to take my body as far as I felt I could in trying to have biological children. I needed that time to mourn the loss of never being pregnant. I needed to grieve it and come to acceptance of not carrying my children. Once I was there we never looked back. We dove head first into private adoption and just 5 days after paying our retainer fee we were matched!! I’ll never forget that phone call standing outside of a Cracker Barrel in TN. We were going to be parents and it was going to be soon. Two weeks later, a 3-day home study, and traveling to Connecticut, our sweet son Samuel was born. I was able to be in the delivery room with his birth mother and witnessed as he made his entrance earth side. I even got to cut his umbilical cord. In that moment, it was all worth it. When that sweet 6 pound 1 ounce baby boy was placed on my chest, it all made sense. This was how I was supposed to become a mother.
Want to contact Elizabeth? Instagram:@ourjourneytobabyl
Want to hear more infertility stories? You can find those here.