The Adventures of a Twin Mom

Motherhood and Travel Blog

Guest Infertility Blogger: Meet Stacey

Meet ERIN-17Once a month, I host a Guest Blogger who shares about their infertility journey!  Meet today’s Guest Blogger, Stacey!

Hi! My name is Stacey Merwin. My husband, Josh, and I have 16 month old boy/girl twins, conceived through IVF. We live in New York City, on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. There are so many twins in NYC and we even have a Twin Mom Group for those of us on the Upper West Side! Living in NYC with children can be a bit more of a challenge in terms of space, transportation and costs but we love living here. Central and Riverside Parks are minutes away, along with multiple options for classes, schools and playgrounds!

Our journey to conceive began in December 2014. After 6 months of trying naturally we became pregnant in June of 2015. After an early miscarriage, 2 failed HCG shots, a failed IUI and a chemical pregnancy, we decided to begin the IVF road in June of 2016. We had 2 successful egg retrievals and one cancelled cycle. In each retrieval, we were able to get one Grade A embryo. I didn’t produce a high volume of eggs when going through the retrieval process so my doctor was focused on quality, not quantity, with me. In November 2016 we had our embryo transfer and then found out we were pregnant at the beginning of December. After a very difficult and stressful pregnancy (another blog post for another day LOL), I gave birth to Jack and Samantha Merwin at 32 weeks + 5 days (both in NICU for over a month).

What led you to the decision of the route you are pursuing or pursued?  We decided to go with the IVF route as we were ready to be more aggressive in our journey to become parents. As mentioned, we had a miscarriage (along with a very traumatic DNC), 2 failed HCG shots and a failed IUI. Though we live in NYC, we decided to have Dr. Michael Allon at Advanced Fertility Center of Texas in Houston as our doctor. Josh and I are both from Houston so it was great to have a support system there while going through everything. Dr. Allon helped my brother and sister-in-law have their miracle twins after doctors told them they would never be able to conceive. Dr. Allon is incredible and his whole facility is top notch! I was able to be monitored while prepping for egg retrievals in NYC by RMA but I flew to Houston for the egg retrievals, hysteroscopy surgeries and embryo transfer. The HCG shots and the IUI attempts took place in NYC with a doctor in NYC (Dr. Vasilios Goudas) who Dr. Allon recommended (and who actually eventually moved to Houston to work with Dr. Allon!).

How did you and your spouse encourage each other while on this journey? Josh was my rock. He helped me with all the shots and face timed with me when I had to do the shots myself. I would find myself feeling so lost and so alone throughout the journey. Even though I had Josh, I had this black cloud over me so often. I felt alone and isolated. Josh was my cheerleader, my fighter. I, too, was a fighter and was focused on daily prayer for us. This whole process taught me to lean on my faith more than ever. As Jews, we are taught not to question God. I kept praying and waiting for answers, begging for answers.

Infertility can often be very expensive, what have you done to help alleviate the costs?  Josh and I were very fortunate. My job at the time had coverage for up to 3 rounds of IVF with the insurance plan we had. In addition, my medicines were mostly covered, saving us thousands. I was able to donate my extra leftover meds to another woman in need and she is about to have her baby!

Are you going to share your infertility journey with your children?  Absolutely. I want them to know how much they were hoped and prayed for. I want them to know that science is amazing and beautiful and can cause miracles!

In what ways has infertility changed you and affected your life?  I have made it my mission to be very, very outspoken about our infertility journey. There are so many people that can’t or won’t discuss it. I shared our struggles, I shared our successes, I shared my diet, activity schedule and feelings on social media using Instagram. I cannot tell you how many times people have messaged me to say thank you for sharing. I’ve also been able to be a support system for many women going through what we went through. I never want people to feel as lonely as I did. I went to a support group here in NYC but it made me feel even worse after the few times I went, so I stopped.

What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers? Never lose faith. Whether you are religious or an atheist, never lose faith in miracles happening.

How can readers contact you? Email:staceyoliviatavor@gmail.com Instagram:yecats912

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Guest Infertility Blogger: Meet Elizabeth

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Meet today’s guest blogger, Elizabeth!

My husband and I were married in 2013.  I wanted children right away, however we knew we needed to get settled first. We moved, he started a new job, and I decided to start a new career and went back to school to become a nurse. I always had this nagging feeling that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. I could not explain it, and I am pretty sure people thought I was crazy. However, I could not shake this feeling deep within my gut that something would be wrong with my eggs. After some convincing by me I went off birth control in 2014. At first we did the whole not trying and not preventing. Soon I was tracking days, peeing on ovulation sticks, and writing down every symptom I felt that could be pregnancy.

A year went by, and nothing…. Each month felt like a shot in the stomach as I felt that my deep down feeling all these years was actually coming true. So we made an appointment with a new OB/GYN to see what was up. He ran some initial tests and found I did not ovulate that month. So on the Femara train I went. Now so hopeful that yes, this is the answer. I don’t always ovulate.. I will take the medication and BAM! It will happen. After three months on the medication I only successfully ovulated once. Back to square one….

After the failed Femara months I was sent to an RE. Right away he said PCOS, but wanted to run a whole gamete of tests. That is when I was hit with a huge shocker… my AMH came back at 0.19. 0.19!!!! That is a number that is seen in a woman in her 50’s. After some quick googling I realized I was probably suffering from Diminished Ovarian Reserve and that essentially I did not have as many eggs as I should for my age. It is important to point out at this time I was in my final practicum for nursing school… on a labor and delivery floor. The day I received those tests result I had to put on my big girl panties and work a 12-hour shift helping deliver babies. Oh the irony.  So we quickly made an appointment with our RE, who is amazing by the way. He said he would not give up on us and was willing to prove the test results wrong. So onto IUI we went. Three IUI’s with injections, follicles each time, no pregnancy.

The summer of 2016 we began IVF. We were so hopeful. Each time we moved to a new treatment our thought was, “this is it. This treatment will work.” I felt so happy to be able to even do IVF given my low AMH. Injections, appointments, ultrasounds, and blood draws followed and we made it to our first retrieval. 5 eggs were retrieved with 3 being fertilized. I had a 3-day fresh transfer of 2 embryos and the third did not make it.  The whole two weeks I just couldn’t believe that I was carrying two embryos inside of me. This was the closest I had come to pregnancy. Soon those little embryos gave me my first and only ever two pink lines. I couldn’t believe it. Me, pregnant! However, sadly it resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I could probably write an entire post on that first round. Another round followed, another 3 day transfer, negative Beta, laparoscopy that found mild endometriosis, and a frozen transfer that failed 6 days before my 30th birthday. Needless to say at that point I was done. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally spent.

We made the decision to stop treatments and pursue adoption. Throughout our journey adoption was always mentioned. I knew deep in my heart it was something I wanted to do even if we had biological children. However, I knew first I needed to take my body as far as I felt I could in trying to have biological children. I needed that time to mourn the loss of never being pregnant. I needed to grieve it and come to acceptance of not carrying my children. Once I was there we never looked back. We dove head first into private adoption and just 5 days after paying our retainer fee we were matched!! I’ll never forget that phone call standing outside of a Cracker Barrel in TN. We were going to be parents and it was going to be soon. Two weeks later, a 3-day home study, and traveling to Connecticut, our sweet son Samuel was born. I was able to be in the delivery room with his birth mother and witnessed as he made his entrance earth side. I even got to cut his umbilical cord.  In that moment, it was all worth it. When that sweet 6 pound 1 ounce baby boy was placed on my chest, it all made sense.  This was how I was supposed to become a mother.

Want to contact Elizabeth? Instagram:@ourjourneytobabyl

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Guest Infertility Blogger: Meet Kate

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Today’s guest blogger is a women’s health and fertility coach! How cool is that? Meet Kate…

Can you explain your job for us?  I’m a women’s health + fertility coach and I work with women at any stage of their fertility journey–whether they’ve just started trying or are doing IVF. I work with clients on making sustainable lifestyle shifts that will improve their overall health + hopefully improve hormone balance and fertility. I focus a lot on food, stress, sleep, and mindset work, because the emotional side of trying to conceive is often ignored, but can be one of the biggest challenges women face. My hope is that after working with me, you feel better in your body, and emotionally more resilient and ready to face whatever challenge comes next–whether that’s another round of IVF or being a new mom.

My background is in women’s health + positive psychology, but I’m also a yoga teacher and have trained in fertility yoga, so I bring that into my coaching as well. Everyone’s journey is different and my goal is to help each woman figure out the right path for her, and to give her the tools and resources to become a mother, whatever that looks like.

What got you into this career path? I’ve been interested in women’s health for a long time–in my early 20’s I started having really terrible menstrual cramps and vomiting that prevented me from going to work or doing anything but lying on the bathroom floor. I knew I shouldn’t have to feel this way, but I didn’t feel like my gynecologist really had any suggestions other than going back on birth control which I didn’t want to do. Through a friend’s recommendation, I tried acupuncture, and found it really helped with cramps, and it balanced out my long cycles as well. I started getting really interested in eastern healing traditions like Chinese medicine and Ayurveda, and decided to study holistic nutrition at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I started doing women’s health coaching, but felt like part of the puzzle was missing, so I did a year long program in positive psychology through the Wholebing Institute, and began working with the emotional and mindset side of things as well. I found that addressing mindset first often helps clients become more successful implementing other changes to their lifestyle.

At that time, I had been teaching yoga for a number of years and a friend of mine asked what yoga could do to help her get pregnant, since she had been struggling for a number of years. I thought that was a really great question, so I signed up for a training with Lynn Jensen in Seattle for Yoga for Fertility. I realized not only how much yoga had to offer, but also how much women could benefit from other lifestyle and diet changes when trying to conceive. As I started working with women, I also realized how little emotional support there really is for women struggling with their fertility, and the mindset work became very central to what I do as well. So it’s been kind of a gradual evolution into fertility, but once I started working with my fertility clients, I just knew this was what I was I was supposed to do and who I was supposed to help.

What is the hardest part of your job?  The hardest part of my work is seeing the difficulty and suffering many of my clients have gone through–from miscarriage and loss to monthly disappointment—and to not be able to just wave a magic want and make it all go away. I teach women tools that can have a huge impact on their lives, but they still have to do the work, and there’s no quick fix. If I could magically give women babies I would!

What is the most rewarding part of your job? The most rewarding part of fertility coaching is seeing the transformation my clients undergo during our time working together. I see them grow stronger emotionally and become more resilient and hopeful again. I see their cycles change and hormones balance out; they feel better physically and and have more energy, and you can just see it in their eyes–they start glowing again. I may have empowered these women and given them tools to succeed, but they did all the work to make these change manifest in their lives, and that is so beautiful to witness.

If you could tell a couple struggling with infertility one thing, what would it be?  You will find a way to become parents. If that’s what you truly want in life, you’ll find the right path for you. It may not be easy, it may not be the path you envisioned, but there will be a path for you to follow. Hold on to hope.

Want to contact Kate?

Website + Blog | KatePotvin.com

Join me on Facebook | Facebook.com/KatePotvinHealth

Instagram | @katepotvin 

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Guest Infertility Blogger: Meet Andrea

ANDREA

My name is Andrea and this is the brief story of my husband, Bryce, and my infertility journey. I’ll start at the end of our infertility story – our journey has brought us to a new beginning and we are currently at home bonding with our 10 week old twin boys!

Of course, we never thought it would take us over two years to get here. We never once thought we would have to pursue fertility treatments – I mean my entire life I’d been told that unprotected sex would lead to pregnancy. Always. Well, didn’t we learn differently?

I met my husband a little later in life than some, I was 33 and he was 41 but in the end it was perfect timing. We had an amazing courtship and once we were engaged we knew we wanted to start a family. We started trying and in those first few months we actually got pregnant fairly quickly, unfortunately staying pregnant was another matter. In that first year we suffered a chemical pregnancy (I didn’t even know what this was until I joined the community of couples trying to conceive) and a devastating miscarriage. But because they both happened so quickly after we had started trying I thought it was just a matter of time. After the miscarriage each month passed with no luck. People kept telling me to take a vacation and stop stressing about it and I would get pregnant, the thing was – I wasn’t stressed – I thought I would get pregnant easily.  As we began approaching my 36th birthday and moving into our second year of trying time began to feel like my enemy. I finally asked my husband if we could get some fertility tests done. I just wanted to know.

The Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine was recommended to us by a friend who is an OBGYN. In that first consultation, we were overwhelmed with information! Looking back, we were so naive about fertility treatments! We, at the time, knew only two couples who had been through fertility treatments. This is all the more reason that I feel I should share my story – I felt alone and clueless, and there is no reason for anyone to feel that way.

Once we got our tests back there were issues on both sides he had sperm antibodies and I was on the cusp of normal for my age regarding egg quality and quantity. They presented us with our options for either IUI or IVF. Based on my age and the fact that we wanted at least 2 children we knew IVF was our best option. I didn’t want to waste any more time and I wanted our best option for success, for us that meant bypassing the less invasive and less expensive IUI and going straight into IVF treatment. And so, the tidal wave that is IVF swept us away!

If I could tell my past self anything it would be a caution about how much time and energy that IVF takes. To be clear, it was 100% worth it, but I had no idea the time it would take and just how incredibly unpredictable the process is. With sometimes daily lab tests, ultrasounds, Dr. meetings, and ordering and picking up medications it all took so much time, it often times felt as if my life revolved around my infertility and in many ways, it did.

We chose to be open about our journey right away, we sent messages to our friends and family simply asking for their support and loving thoughts. We were showered in love and support. I think because of this we were faced with very few people who shared negative thoughts about our journey, now that doesn’t mean they didn’t have them, they just didn’t share them LOL! We did get curious questions and we were more than happy to talk with people about the journey. I feel like this choice helps increase people’s understanding about infertility and brought us closer to our friends and family. We plan on continuing this openness with our children, in fact on our family picture wall is the 6 day embryo photo of our sons on the day of their transfer!

The process is an emotional rollercoaster – there is so much hope but there are also setbacks that feel devastating. For us it meant going through not one, not two, but three egg retrievals, finding out that only 3 of our 21 eggs made it to blastocyst stage, then finding out that given one more day 8 more made it to day 6! (Our sons are both day 6 embryos.) All along the ride our family and friends were there, my husband was an incredible source of support and comfort but the process was emotionally grueling. There are few who can understand what you are going through, starting my Instagram account (@becoming_amama) and joining the TTC (Trying To Conceive) community were some of my best decisions. I have met and connected with women all over the country, and beyond, who share my journey and this struggle.

Infertility has changed me and my husband in so many ways. We have become closer as a result of finding our way through this and working through the ways infertility has permeated our relationship. I believe that it has changed how we are as parents as well. We were always going to love our children but all that we struggled through to bring them into our lives makes loving them just that much sweeter.

No matter where you are on your journey I hope you know that you are not alone. I am still active on Instagram sharing my experiences with our little men and cheering on my sisters in infertility – do not hesitate to reach out!

You can contact Andrea on Instagram @becoming_amama

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Guest Infertility Blogger: Meet Sharon

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Tell us a little bit about you and your infertility journey:

If you Google the top causes of infertility then you will find our biography. I cannot even answer the simple and common question of “How long did you try for?” because technically you need to ovulate to “Try” and that is something my body simply doesn’t do. All I know is that we were ready to grow our family through adoption or by having children, but we faced closed door after closed door for over two years. Before finding out anything was wrong, we started the process to adopt through foster care. While undergoing foster care training, I decided I would figure out what was going on with my body because I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. I am a data nerd; I thought I could “fix myself” and tried every trick in the book including natural remedies and non-sexy post intercourse routines. I continued to push off making an appointment with a specialist despite the recommendation of my doctor. One day, I received a phone call that alerted me that our plans to adopt would have to be postponed. This was yet another door painfully slammed in my face. I then returned to my OB with stacks of graphs I used to track my body temps, weird cycles, and the ONE time I had possibly ovulated over the course of a year. My sweet doctor saw my internal struggle with pride, and proceeded to make an appointment for me with a specialist. Hesitant and afraid, I complied and started undergoing testing. The results were devastating: PCOS, blocked tubes, Endometriosis, and MFI. We felt like the doors had been closed on both growing our family biologically and through adoption. We couldn’t get on board with our foster care case worker, nor could we afford IVF, and refused to take out a loan. Thankfully, Jesus is never concerned with closed doors and He made a way where there wasn’t one. Insurance agreed to help pay for ONE single round of IVF. If it failed, that was it for us.This was our one chance, our only shot, and the stakes were so incredibly high. Glory be to God, our story wasn’t over…You can read more of our story on my blog thegracehaven.com

Do you think your infertility journey is going to or has shaped the way you parent? Infertility was and is our saving grace as parents. There is just something about knowing the pain of empty arms and silent rooms that changes you and changes the way you parent. The sleepless nights from round the clock feedings or upset tummies are nothing compared to crying yourself to sleep at night wondering if you will ever be a Mom. The tantrums that exhaust you mentally and physically do not seem so challenging the moment you step into the room where you used to give yourself your hormone injections every night. Infertility has filled us with complete gratitude as parents. We know that our two beautiful daughters are literally heaven sent, and that we had no part in bringing them earth-side. Infertility has also brought us into a community of some of the strongest people I have ever met, and it is an honor to continue praying them through their wait, or celebrate with them through their triumphs.

What is/was the hardest part of this journey for you?  Honestly and shockingly, the hardest part of our journey was not dealing with infertility. We never in our wildest dreams thought we would experience a chapter that was harder than the years of waiting, testing and finding out we couldn’t get pregnant, undergoing several surgeries and hundreds of injections, or being hospitalized for OHSS and needing my stomach drained. In no way do I ever want to minimize the absolute hell that infertility is, because sister I GET IT and I HEAR YOU! Our journey was just different. For us, the most difficult part was the premature birth of our twin daughters and watching them go through various trials as a result. Infertility made me feel broken, but going into labor two months early made me feel like I failed as a Mom. I wasn’t able to protect them from the world of pain that they faced in their 9 week NICU stay, or the pain from their GI issues they still face 7 months later. I went to the doctor one morning because I just felt kind of funny, and within an hour, I was life-flighted to a hospital over an hour away from where we lived because we needed a higher level NICU. I managed to stay in active labor for one more week (yes, I do mean that I had contractions every 3-5 minutes for an entire week) thanks to magnesium and Terbutaline before our Lani and Libby were born. Lani went to a level II NICU, and Libby was rushed to a level III NICU where I could not even touch her for the next 48 hours. I went from feeling my girls every move inside my tummy to having my daughters over an hour from home and at opposite ends of the hospital. Libby’s lungs kept closing up, so they had to increase her method of oxygen support and clean out her lungs frequently. After recovering from that scary hurdle, Libby was moved to level II with Lani where we thought “The worst was over” and we could finally experience being a family of four. 3 days later, I got a call at 1:30am, telling me that something was wrong with Libby, and that I needed to consent to them giving her a spinal tap immediately. I cannot even talk about or write about the details of the 48 hours following that phone call without sobbing. I can recall every detail of the room we were in, the sounds of the monitors going off, the doctor’s face when he delivered more bad news followed by more bad news, and the feeling of my heart beating in my throat. All we knew is that Libby had a severe infection and Lani, who was held next to her the day before the infection appeared, was also in imminent danger of falling ill. The situation became dire because they could not get medication into Libby fast enough, while the infection had clearly gotten into her blood stream and possibly her brain stem. We did not leave the hospital or sleep for over 36 hours. There is something that changes you forever as a parent when you almost lose your child/children. My husband and I laid in the hospital bed that night, wondering if we would still be parents the next day. We were only held together by our strong faith in the Lord’s plan and the fervent prayers of so many loved ones! I would endure IVF, all of my complications, and my week long labor a thousand times over if I could have prevented what my daughters faced. Glory to God, our Lani and Libby survived, and they are the strongest most fierce warriors I have ever met! They overcame sickness, learning how to breath, and learning how to stay warm. They also overcame learning how to eat, despite painful acid reflux and esophagus damage. I thought the pain I endured to get pregnant would be our biggest hurdle, but God had a different plans. Rather, I had the honor of giving birth to my own heroes.

Did you choose open or closed embryo donation, adoption, or sperm/egg donor? Why? This is a very sensitive topic so before I answer please know that 1) This is something that you are asked to think about in the absolute worst of circumstances. You just want to become a parent, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to get there. 2)That being said, I know several people who have regretted how they proceeded with this part of fertility treatments, and I need them to know that they deserve SO much grace and love. As if fertility treatments didn’t suck already, decisions on what to do with the results of those treatments is incredibly difficult. 3) I honestly do not think there is a universal way that fits everybody’s situation or needs, but I do believe that more voices need to join this difficult discussion so that people can hear about other people’s struggles and triumphs and make better informed decisions as they proceed.

Our approach was not a conventional way of doing IVF, but I am very grateful with the end result. We sought council from the beginning and determined that we would not be comfortable with having extra embryos after our cycle. I say that we are grateful because I over-stimulated during IVF and ended up with 30 eggs and a painful hospital stay. That would have meant around 18 or more extra embryos. Before our cycle even began, we decided we would only fertilize 3 eggs and leave the rest unfertilized. We would then take however many of the 3 that made it to the blastocyst stage and transfer them. We found it incredibly helpful to make this decisions before starting hormone injections and after seeking council from people who were not afraid to ask us questions that got us thinking beyond our immediate desire of wanting kids. We believe that life begins at conception and we are thankful that we got to honor our beliefs during this process. We ended up with a triplet pregnancy, but I unfortunately miscarried Charlie at 10 weeks.

I can honestly say the discussion of what to do with our extra eggs was far less painful for us than if those eggs had been turned into embryos. I had an incredibly difficult and risky pregnancy, so it would be unwise for me to get pregnant again. I am grateful to have the space to grieve over this fact without the added pain of deciding what to do with precious embryos. Again, I recognize that our approach is not conventional and doesn’t work for everyone. I just wanted to share our outcome in case it helps anyone else in a similar situation or at least keeps the discussion going on this topic. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have questions!

What would you like couples or women who don’t struggle with infertility to know about infertility?

That it doesn’t “just happen” for 1 out of 8 of us. We don’t get to have a glass of wine and a carefree adventurous night and suddenly BAM!… we are pregnant! It is hard to not feel like something is inherently wrong with us just because something is clearly wrong with our body. Please practice mindfulness and listen more than you advise. I do not need to know how easy it was for you, or hear your plans on how you are going to time your pregnancy “just so,” because it has never been an issue for you to get pregnant. I also do not need to hear how your cousin’s hairdresser got pregnant after going gluten free and taking up yoga, or other trivial happenstance methods. I do not need to “just relax” for things to work out. I also need you to know that just because we had a successful IVF cycle does not mean infertility isn’t still a part of who I am. I cannot get pregnant again and that is still a loss I need to grieve. I do not need you to help “fix me.” I just need you to love me.

What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers?  Closed doors are a set back, but they are not the end of your journey. You are  walking through fire and will have so much strength because of it. You can skip the parenting classes or books if you want, because you will learn far more important lessons when you are fighting with all of your strength just to become parents.  You are not broken, you are a freakin’ warrior!

Contact Info:

Instagram: @thegracehaven

Website: Thegracehaven.com

Facebook:Thegracehaven

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

Guest Infertility Blogger: Meet Stacy

stacyStacy and her husband Jason learned in 2016 they’d need in vitro fertilization in order to have biological children. After a successful egg retrieval in August 2017 and then having both fallopian tubes removed in November 2017 due to severe damage, Stacy and Jason had a frozen embryo transfer (FET) in January 2018 which was successful. They are excited to be welcoming a baby girl in September 2018!

What things helped you cope with infertility? Speaking out and finding community was what has helped me cope best during our battle with infertility. Rather than holding everything in and fighting what seemed like a silent and isolating journey, I found encouragement, love and support when I finally started talking about it.

Speaking out and finding community was what has helped me cope best during our battle with infertility. Rather than holding everything in and fighting what seemed like a silent and isolating journey, I found encouragement, love and support when I finally started talking about it.

I didn’t speak out or find community right away. My husband suggested to me that I should talk about it, so I first confided in my mom and sisters after a full year of knowing we’d need in vitro fertilization for the opportunity to have biological children. Then I created a private, anonymous Instagram account to connect with the infertility community there. I confided in a close friend who bought me a devotional journal, In The Wait, and joined the accompanying support group. I finally announced our infertility journey and plans to do IVF through a Facebook live video and I opened my Instagram account to the public.

Opening up and talking about our journey has helped me navigate the process with an army of people supporting us and praying for us. It was the best decision I could’ve made.

How did you and your spouse encourage each other while on this journey? My husband, Jason, did an amazing job of lifting me up, encouraging me and keeping my mindset positive during our journey. He still does, since our journey isn’t complete yet! We both encourage each other by focusing on keeping a positive mindset, recognizing what we are grateful for, and finding the positive in every situation. We aren’t perfect at this, we both still experience worry, nervousness and frustration. But because we have attempted to encourage each other to remain positive, our journey has been filled with joy and love!

What would you like couples or women who don’t struggle with infertility to know about infertility?   The most important thing I want people who don’t struggle with infertility to know is that infertility is unlike any type of grief that they’ve experienced. It’s not the loss of something, it’s the loss of what hasn’t happened. And so it’s important to remember that is what makes the infertility journey tough. Really tough. It is hurtful to be reminded of what you don’t have or what hasn’t happened when people ask “when are you going to start a family?” or when they tell you that “You better get started having kids, you’re not getting any younger!” So to the people who don’t struggle with infertility: please be mindful and conscious of what type of family planning questions you ask or suggestions you make. A person will share that information with you when they’re ready.

What is/was the hardest part of this journey for you?  I think the hardest part is that infertility was out of my control and that there are so many unknowns surrounding the journey. I am the type of person who will recognize an issue and then work hard to solve the problem. Well, I can’t do that with infertility. There is nothing I could do to fix my infertility. There was nothing I could do to ensure a good outcome from the egg collection phase of retrieval. There was nothing we could do to ensure fertilized eggs would become strong blastocysts. There is nothing I can do to ensure a frozen embryo transfer will yield a healthy baby. Everything has to be with a heart of hope, mindset of belief and actions done in faith that everything will work as it should.

What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers? Can I share two pieces of advice?  First, I’ve learned it is crucial to not compare my journey to someone else’s. It’s said that comparison is the thief of joy and that is truer than ever when it comes to infertility! It can be so hard because you want to know what she did to get pregnant, or what her IVF protocol looked like, or why she’s having a baby and you’re not. But everyone’s journey is so so different and it’s important to stay focused on your own journey while simply supporting others. Your journey is uniquely yours and there will not be another journey that is the same.
Second, don’t let infertility consume you. It’s easy to become obsessed with everything that comes with infertility but doing so will just rob you of acknowledging the many blessings in your life. Make sure you and your partner are spending time doing the things you love and that bring you joy. Keep going on dates, make sure you can relax and focusing on enjoying the life you have now. Find gratitude every day and don’t let infertility consume your everything.

 

Want to contact Stacy?
Email: coachstacytessler@gmail.com
Instagram: @FindingJoyInTheWait

You can read more infertility stories or connect with others here.  You can connect with me (Brianna) at AdventuresofaTwinMom@gmail.com or on Instagram.

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