Meet today’s guest blogger, Samantha!
Tell us a little bit about you and your infertility journey: I am 33, I work as a Registered Nurse, I live in Queensland in Australia and I have been on the IVF journey for over 2 years now after trying to conceive naturally for 3 years prior. I have had 4 stim cycles, transferred 11 embryos, had a chemical pregnancy, had 2 recurrent miscarriages with my most recent being 12 weeks along with twins. I’ve had a laparoscopy, 3 D&C’s, removal of endometriosis, endometrial scratch and 2 hysteroscopys. While it’s been a long journey so far I will never give up. Our original reason for starting ivf was male factor infertility and I was meant to have no problems but now it’s unexplained secondary infertility for me so far.
Some patients change doctors several times. Did you? What made you choose your doctor and or clinic? I started with one clinic and one Dr and it was our worst cycle To date. After we had a bad first cycle and never really got any answers as to why we changed clinics straight away and have remained with the same specialist ever since. He is truly amazing and so kind and caring. We chose him after having a chat with our dear friend who is also an embryologist and at this clinic and I work with several Dr’s who have had to undergo IVF treatment and he was highly recommended to us by a lot of people and we can now see why.
What is the hardest part of this journey for you? The hardest part of this journey for me is the unknown and the constant heartache. The unknown of why? Why did it go wrong, why wasn’t it my time, how can we fix this, when can we fix this, what do we do, and always never knowing of what will happen next and when it will happen. The heartache that comes with all of this is just torture. It’s such an emotional roller coaster and I have some really low days and feel so alone and it’s just really hard mentally at times to keep going but something inside me keeps pushing me into the next cycle even though I reserve a spot for the disappointment that may come.
What brings you hope during this journey? My husband is an optimist and always believes it will happen. My specialist always messages me to tell me never to give up and I will be a Mum. The hope and faith and positive outlook he has helps me to realise that if I just keep going one day I will be a Mum.
In what ways has infertility changed you and affected your life? It has changed me in lots of ways. I am not the happy go lucky person I always was, I now suffer from anxiety and at times depression, I feel sad more then I feel happy, I have become a pessimist, I have gained weight and have bad skin and this makes me feel terrible in myself, and I am starting to lose all faith in many things. It’s not a nice feeling to feel these things. I hope when I do have a child I look back and wonder why did I ever think it was so hard. But for now it’s just a never ending road that one day very soon I hope ends with a rainbow.
What would you like couples or women who don’t struggle with infertility to know about infertility? I would like couples who don’t suffer from infertility to just be a little more mindful of us. While I love hearing about your pregnancy and seeing baby photos please know that at times this may be breaking me inside. Some days I am stronger then others. Some days I may not want to talk or be around people who are pregnant but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you as a friend, I want to still be told when your pregnant and not have you talk about me behind my back saying “oh we can’t tell her”, because that hurts me more. Some times I just want a text to say, “Are you ok?” Just so I know you care. And I also want women to know that the baby you have is a miracle and I would love a child so please be mindful of what you say or write or whinge about. And please always love me for the person you remember not the person I have become on this journey because I know eventually I will become that loving person again it’s just taking a little time.
What is the most valuable piece of advice you’d like to share with our readers? The most valuable piece of advice would be to never give up. As hard as the days are and as dark as the nights can be don’t ever give up on your dream. There are so many options available in this day and age. Donors, adoption, fostering etc. Never give up and always try and keep that faith that your turn is coming.
Want to contact Samantha? Instagram:@teamdelmege